As I was reflecting on Psalm 10 today, I think God showed me an attitude that I have toward Him--and it's not a good one. In vv. 11–14, the psalmist writes:
"He [the wicked man] says to himself, 'God has forgotten;
he covers his face and never sees.'
Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God.
Do not forget the helpless.
Why does the wicked man revile God?
Why does he say to himself, 'He won't call me to account'?
But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it and take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless." (NIV)
Although I don't often think of the evil things that I have done and say, "God has forgotten; he covers his face and never sees," I do think that about the troubles that I go through. Somewhere along the line in reflecting on the problem of evil, I concluded that in this fallen world, evil is very real and very powerful. It is an enemy of God. I think subconsciously I have started to think that God is powerless to prevent evil. I don't believe that in my head, but I think I believe it in my heart.
I don't have a hard life by any means. But I think somewhere along the line I lost the belief that God truly was looking out for me and that He would be my "helper." When I face adversity, I don't expect Him to deliver me.
This is tragic.
And I think it accounts for a lot of the anger in my life.
"Father, I don't know how to balance belief in an all-loving, all-powerful, all-knowing God with the reality of evil in the world. I confess that Jesus has called us to a life of suffering, and "by many tribulations" we enter the kingdom of God. But I think somewhere along the line I grew angry at You. I don't want to be angry. Even the thought of being angry at God kind of terrifies me. God, I confess that You have my best interests at heart; I pray that You would help me to believe it. Amen."
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